you don't know what you've got til it's gone

the appearance of my stomach is something i tried to get over at age 10. i missed having a smooth, normal stomach but i loved my scars too. and since then, i've tried not to think about it much. i take pictures before each surgery just for documentation purposes; however, the post-10-year-old holes have only added to my stomach's landscape. unfortunately, it turns out that i was really attached to my belly button. it always hurts to poke inside it and sometimes i get really obsessive about cleaning it thoroughly but, on the whole, i guess i really love-love-loved it. today i came to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, its composition has permanently changed. my belly button is now more squinty and the skin under it is a weird new valley of tension. clearly, it is a small price to pay for healthy nancy but since i'm a shallow, selfish sort of person (bummer, i know) i really miss the way it used to be. i feel like even if it did have surgeries through it before it still appeared the same. and i'd had that belly button for 25 years and always kind of liked it. outies be damned, i'm an innie all the way. farewell old belly button, you were well loved. hello new belly button!