you know your dog owns you when...

today chopin josephine and i reached a new stage in our relationship. for the past 13 years we have loved, laughed, and languished (in the good way) together by abiding by a few simple rules:
1. i will not brush the dog's hair
2. she will not bite me hard enough to break the skin IF i am doing something to help her (like untangling her leash which she has wrapped 93874953 times around her leg) but she will still bite
3. she will ring the bells on the door if she really has to go out
4. if i yell louder than she can bark, i win and she stops
but the most important rule is this:
5. I WILL NOT TOUCH HER BUTT WITHOUT SEVERE CONSEQUENCES
and by butt i mean hind legs, tail, etc.

those of you who know me, and are trying to be kind, know that i am a person with limited patience. so when chopin sits at the bottom of the stairs, barking repeatedly for hours on end because she does not want to walk up them, it drives me insane. and even if i yell louder, she will not cease - breaking rule 4 which does not apply if we are not on the same floor. after 2 hours this morning of her continued nonsense, i stomped down the stairs so she would know i was really mad and asked her what, exactly, she wanted. for whatever the reason, today my cold, cold heart thawed a little and i was touched with sympathy. her legs are hurting and she didn't want to go up the stairs. so as she stood and positioned herself to block me from going back up the stairs after i had walked around in the basement, i was suddenly inspired. i carefully (and fearfully) leaned down and placed my arms around the dog - specifically touching the aforementioned "problem" area. i was not bitten, nor did she growl or give me a nasty face. instead, she contentedly attempted to lick my arm as i carried 50 pounds of dog up the stairs because she didn't feel like walking up them or remaining downstairs. 'seriously?' you may ask. seriously. the dog is in complete control.